More of San Francisco

Continuing the story after Day 1 and 2, this is more about San Francisco..















We walked around a bit in the morning, exploring San Francisco, and then we went north to Fisherman's Wharf.. Fisherman's Wharf is THE place for seafood. San Francisco is also the place to go to for sourdough bread.















































We also had Ghirardelli ice cream!
















Ghirardelli is the name of a chocolate maker and the ice cream is SUPERBLY good. (But I'm guessing its due to the chocolate..)



The important part of the day was the trip to Alcatraz Island!
















Alcatraz island was the super maximum security prison of its time. Basically, from a quote I think I remember, written on the wall,

'If you messed up outside, you got sent to prison. If you messed up in prison, you got sent to Alcatraz."

So you can imagine what kind of super crazy place it was.. (That's where they filmed The Rock, by the way)































The place is absolutely freezing. The currents are insanely strong and I can only shudder at the kind of desperation it must have required to even dream of escaping.
















By the way, the slamming sound the doors make when they shut is really very spinechilling.....


Mel

New format

Since I screwed up the daily report for my trip ages ago, I have decided to change the format of my trip updates and start writing about whatever place I want to...

Day dunnowhat

I have decided to stop counting days (cause there was no internet in Vegas and in the Grand Canyon)

Anyhow i have to state that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. (NO I DIDN'T GET MARRIED)

And the Grand Canyon is absolutely breathtaking. Nothing really explains how the colours shift as the sun rises over the canyon nor how the winds gust and blow, threatening to suck the body heat out of us as we desperately try to operate our cameras with numb fingers. Its supposed to be summer, but its been raining for a month in the canyon.. We woke up at 4 to catch the sunrise, but the cloud cover scattered the light all over..

Food has not been much of a problem, everyone seems to be having a healthy appetite. No digestive problems..

Interpersonal issues have been settled quite well.. Seems to be a good balance of power in our 5-man party..

Timings have all been met.. There is an awesome discipline within the group.. We just have been tiring ourselves out a lot.. We decided to skip the sunrise at the canyon this morning just to rest.

Good choice it was, it was super cloudy and it rained on us when we went on a ranger talk about fossils..

Photos to come up.. I don't have a lot cause I forgot one battery charge phase for my cameras. I'll try to upload my friends' pics someday..

Someday, I'll come back to the canyon for more than a week.

Onward.

Day Two

Today we hit Napa Valley on a wine tour!!

We hopped onto the tour bus at about 830 in the morning and went to some really pretty places..

The triangular thingie in the right centre are actually rows of vines planted..















Rows upon rows of vines.. They aren't full grown yet, but come october or november they will be bursting with sweetness. Most of the wine sold in the US is made from the common watery kind of grape.. The grapes grown here in Napa valley, however, are of much better quality..















Red wines are aged in oak barrels... Even the kind of oak matters, and some people plant oak trees just for wine barrels.. They go for 1200 USD per barrel!!















We also had the time to go WALK on the Golden Gate Bridge, and it was absolutely breathtaking.















I may have to make some tough decision tomorrow.

Sigh. This completely sucks.


Onward.

Day ONE!

We made it through day one with headaches, turbulence and a general lack of sleep..

But hey, you guys already know that I don't like flying..

Some pictures.. (only from my camera, but more to come soon)














































Bleah. Its almost 3am here.. I shall put pictures into Facebook next time and link to those pictures when I get back from some wine tour tomorrow.

I managed to find some cheap shirts in Old Navy.. They have 50% off for men's clothes... I have no idea why, but it just happened to be there.

Food has been awesome, servings have been huge and I have been frozen almost solid by the air in San Francisco.

WHAT SUMMER?

Goodnight!

Grades

This is long overdue, but I suspect I have to write something about this sooner or later. One reason for the mega delay is how i'm wondering what kind of emotion to imbue into this.

But what the hell.

I got my best grades ever!

They're not THAT amazing, but after quite a few hours in the library and a new mentality of 'come on are you just going to roll over and die' i actually did quite well.

Onward.

Million and one things to do

Okay. This trip is proving to be the most insane thing i've ever embarked on.

Okay. Perhaps the second most insane thing. The most insane thing has got to be choosing my major to be in physics.

THERE ARE SO MANY DAMN THINGS TO DO.

ARGHHHHHH.

okay.

back to reading.

meeting my prof tmr morning.

Onward.

Breakthrough

One and a half days, one coffee stain and a lot of scribblings later...

I understand ONE journal article!

I realise it wasn't that hard... Just that I needed to sit myself down and keep smashing at it..

Onward.

On Quantum Teleportation

Reporter : Can you teleport only the body, or also the spirit?
Asher Peres : Only the spirit.

What holidays

I reserved a book in the library cause my prof recommended it.. So I'm now sitting in the library reading through it.

The stupid lunch queue at 12pm is LONGER than the usual lunch queue on a SCHOOL TERM.

What
the
hell???

CAN YOU PEOPLE ALL GO WASTE YOUR HOLIDAYS AWAY SO I HAVE A CHANCE TO CATCH UP

ahem.

yes..

science is pure and has no motives.

RIGHT.

onward.

UROPS

I had an appointment with a professor today and I walked out of that meeting finding myself a bit stunned, to have a UROPS module in my pocket.

UROPS - Undergraduate Research Oppurtunities Programme in Science

Although I firmly believe he thinks i dunno much.

AH well.

work work.

Onward.

Analysis

After doing horribly for Mathematical Analysis I in Year 2 Sem 1, I have to bite the bullet and face up to the shit all over again.

The only reason why I'm staying for a 7th Sem without Honours is because of my 2nd major.

And I only have 2 mods left to clear.

Complex Analysis I
Mathematical Analysis II

BOTH of which require Mathematical Analysis I as a prerequisite.

Sigh. Analysis has come back to bite me in the ass. Or. ANAL-yse me.

Lets see how far obsession gets me

Onward

Holiday Rush

I think I said before, either on Facebook or here on this blog, that at the end of your exams, you don't really get your life back. You just have months of your life on backlog, and you have to chase it all back so you can earn your holiday..


Yup thats happening right now.

I DECLARE THAT I WILL

not wake up so late any more
email a prof about a research project
wrap my mind around the things i need to wrap my mind about
(i would explain those things, but i realise i need to wrap my mind around them first.)
be more conscientious in planning for my US-Canada trip

Onward

Mathematicians are weird

I just HAVE to say that this is the weirdest thing I have ever seen in my wiki-surfing.


Hairy Ball Theorem!



Its about the study of surfaces!
Essentially, with a sphere with lines poking out evenly (hairy ball), by combing the hairs flat you will create regions on the surface with different hair densities.
So the ball will have more hair on some spots, and less hair on other spots, with the roots of the hairs evenly spaced out!



What were you thinking?? It's just a hairy ball!

Only By Grace

Only by grace can we enter
Only by grace can we stand
Not by our human endeavour
But by the blood of the Lamb

Into Your presence You call us
You call us to come

Into Your presence You draw us
And now by your grace we come

Getting used to low performance computing

It's been more than a week since my laptop's network card has died and it has been HORRIBLE.

I can only say that me holding the fort without my Thinkpad connectivity is like being Emperor Palpatine without his Force Lightning.

My E63 lightsaber can only go so far..

Arghhhhhh..........

So many things I want to do.
I need time to plan.

Onward.

Always check for toilet paper

This is for Samson and Estella.

Always check for toilet paper.

You never know what your support singers have to do when you're missing......





Okay I confess I think the girls are hot. But still. The lesson remains.

testtesttest

No its not a test post.

Wait it is a test post.

Its not a post done just to test whether the post works.

This is a post about tests.

Yes.

Onward.

The Book of Torak

"From the timeless reaches of Infinity, I gazed upon the future. And I beheld that there were two Destinies and that they must rush toward each other from the endless corridors of Eternity. Each Destiny was Absolute, and in that final meeting, all that was divided should be made one. In that instand, all that was, all that is, and all that was yet to be should be gathered into one Purpose."

David Eddings, Enchanters' End Game

Have I ever mentioned?

I'd like to acknowledge my friend Bobby in doing this over and over again.

1) Give glum smile

2) Ask a friend 'Have I ever mentioned to you? I wish I was smart'

Repeat the cycle

Onward.

Shudder and shake

I don't get it....

I have this very uncanny feeling, and I can't shake it off.

Probably nothing is going to happen. Probably its just going to be fine, but I don't know.

My heart is racing. My senses are heightened.

My mind is going to blow soon.

I don't want to imagine. Don't want to think about it.

The waiting is the worst part.

UoTrip meeting #2

Here are some pictures from our planning this evening


Here's Zhanjiang and Weilin

















Jay here smiling while Weilin frantically searches for accomodation

















I'm taking a picture of people taking a picture of the whiteboard!





















Not too bad for an evening of thinking and google mapping..
I'm getting more and more excited as we keep on planning! It sounds like it will really be a blast!

WOOHOO!

Reconfigure

My consciousness is rewiring itself, or whatevernot you want to call it..

The catching up on sleep has been good, because I actually feel that my body is taking things better. I don't like the side effects of the medication though.. Feels like it makes me drowsy..

Hopefully I can just finish the work I've been putting off.


Oh! I now have my first beginnings of a camp committee.

Being sick sucks

I'm lying in bed blogging from my phone.. i managed to get my e63 to link up with my router..

Being sick sucks.. I really don't mind feeling feverish and shivering under my blanket but coughing every few minutes feels horrible.. Cause your throat just keeps feeling worse..

Anyhow, the worst is over, the fever has mostly subsided and I'm still up not because of my cough, but because i took a nap in the evening already..

Still quite sad to miss the hike. Ah well. There will be Grand Canyon..

Great Experiment

Great One's experiment is so great that it takes both lab demonstrators on duty, and a lab tech to combine their powers to assist him.

















(Lab demos are the first two on the left. Chen Ming is 3rd from left. Lab tech is rightmost.)


Actually it reminds me of Moses holding up his arms while the Israelite army fights on.

Tech haul

After braving 5 hours at IT Show 2009 in Suntec City, I have the following loot.

Optics
A digital camera: Fujifilm Finepix F60
A pair of binoculars: Bushnell Falcon 7x35mm

Communications
A mobile phone: Nokia E63

Camera price was typical, but the Bushnell cost was $68 and the E63 cost was $98 with 2yr plan..

Not too bad I'd say..

What happens when you study too much?

If you understand this joke, you ARE a geek.












Acknowledgement: Picture taken from xkcd.com

Phone sex(iness)

Despite what the header seems to suggest, I am just considering a new phone..

I am deciding between a Nokie E71 or a E63.... I really like the inbuilt connectivity, namely the 3G, Wi-Fi and Bluetooth.

Both look really good, but they have to be. Glenn considers me the device-introducer. I have a reputation to consider.

I know they both look almost the same, but there are quite a few differences..


First and foremost, the E71 is more expensive, selling for more than 100 bucks above the E63.


And this part is ripped off from some website someplace..

Here are the differences between the budget E63 and the high-end E71:

* The E63 has a colored plastic shell versus the E71’s metal one. The front is a metallic-finish, whilst the back cover is a soft-touch finish - both attract far few fingerprints than the E71’s.

* The E63 is nearly identical in dimensions to the E71 except for the depth - the E63 is around 1.5 times the depth of the E71.

* The E63 has a 3.5mm jack on top versus the E71’s 2.5mm jack on the side. This appears to be the first E-series to have a standard headphone socket - something normally saved for N-series.

* The E63 has no side buttons for volume or voice recording. It’s also missing the E71’s IR window.

* The E63 has a revised keyboard layout, adding a ‘/’ button on the lower row, shortening the space bar.

* The E63 appears to have a slightly smaller dimension screen although it is the same 320 by 240 pixels as the E71.

* The E63 lacks internal GPS.

* The E63 does not support HSDPA data.

* The E63 has the same 110 meg internal memory, but is shipped without an additional memory card (although a slot to add one is present).

* The E63 has a 2MP camera versus the E71’s 3.2MP and has a fixed focus.

* The E63 adds a flashlight function that allows the camera’s LED flash to be used as a torch.

* The E63 lacks the E71’s faux-leather slip case.

And here's the key business features still present in the E63:

* WiFi
* 3G (there had been some rumours this was 2G only)
* Microsoft Exchange sync via MailForExchange
* Expandable memory
* Fast operation and stable S60 3rd Edition FP1 OS
* Pre-installed QuickOffice
* E-series security and encryption functions
* Huge 1500mAh battery

The most important differences here for me are that the E63 allows a 3.5mm output (thats the usual earphone connector we see). This means I can just throw in a huge micro sd card and i carry/charge one less device, which is my mp3 player.

But the E71 has A-GPS!!! I know its probably useless for most purposes.. But.. its.. a... GPS... device........ The tech side of me is struggling.

Oh yes. And the colours for the E63 are far less appealing than the E71 colours. That counts too.

I just have to make sure that it doesn't lag. Those of you who have seen me use my trusty N70 will know that it works like a truck. It will probably do a whole host of things, but it will take years. Hopefully the new Eseries will be a turbocharged 5-tonner.

Comments? Maybe i should hold a poll..

Things to buy

The plan is to fly to LAX, go to the Grand Canyon for a few days, then punch our way NORTHEAST from the SOUTHWEST corner of the US, and get to Toronto where UoT is.

This is going to be harder than I thought.

But anyhow, I'm going to start shopping soon... I'll need a

1) Camera
2) Binoculars (small ones for the Grand Canyon trip)
3) a good hat
4) maybe a huge sturdy backpack
5) a GPS?
6) a pair of walkie talkies? (The comms person in me is really tempted.)

Suggestions are welcome!

All hail to my sister, President of OCF Flinders for her divine gift to this nondeserving brother. I will use it with cautious heed, keeping in mind the reasons it was bestowed.

Influx

Hahahahaha...... Its very strange how things all work out...

Hard Disk fail

CRAP my hard disk just suddenly went unresponsive!

Going to get it fixed.

ELEMENTAL DON'T DIE ON ME YET.

Summer Programme

I don't believe I managed to get it!

unbelievable.. And I seriously thought I wasn't going to be able to go overseas and use Science Faculty money haha..

The other unbelievable thing is that my other 3 year 3 physics major friends also got their application accepted, and we're going to be flying off to Toronto together!

Thats simply amazing.. and I guess reality won't really sink in until i'm actually on the plane with my friends, being scared to be in a plane (nasty fear of heights, you have to understand), and finally landing in some weird place with not-so-humid air.

P.S. you guys may only see this post a bit late.. I realise i only feel comfortable posting when I feel that people aren't going to use anything I write.

Breach

It appears, that things are not quite what they seem.

Projects anyone?

For those amongst us who need to do up projects and submissions, may I suggest the following cover sheet.

*gasp*

It went better than I expected.. I don't really like confrontations, but it went very well, much better than i had expected..

Hopefully this entire operation bears fruit somehow, and it will all have been worth it.

Onward.

Tough decisions

When you have difficult decisions to make, you should take some time to think them through.

Onward.

Stasis

Hmn.

Nothing big is changing.

Nothing drastic is happening.

I am going to take some time to plan..

CNY aftermath

I have only managed to fulfil resolutions 1 and 3 this time...

Well i have like 15 days of CNY right haha...

Made some decisions and conclusions, realised that my initial plans were correct and on course.

As usual, it only takes the courage to complete the task.

Onward.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that's all folks

Thats the end of CNY....

Finally I made it..

Back to my lovely clinical labs and my equations..

I've never felt so at home......

You tell me what to do

What am I supposed to do.

Move out?

Teach them to be human beings?

Instruct them on family ties?


I don't deserve this.

Theoretically I have always told myself that things may happen to you, but you are responsible for your own life, and you have to try to make do, to try and fix whatever happens to you.

Its not that simple.

dongdongdongqiang

CNY approaches! but with all my labs piling up it hardly feels like a holiday...

Over this holiday season I resolve to
1) eat as much as I can
2) drink as much as I can
3) sleep as much as I can

that hardly leaves me time for doing my labs...

But I'll think of something..

Have a blessed Chinese New Year everyone!

CHEATED

ARGHHHH NUCLEAR ASTROPHYSICS IS A DEVELOPMENT OF STATISTICAL MECHANICS

i want to die...

Why am I whining? This is not typical of me.

urgh.

Oh no. Oh, no... Not this. Not now.

Just when I thought it was all dealt with, and completely past.

The entire boat threatens to sink again.

I can't risk everything i've built so far...



No.

Under no circumstances.

Not unless the condition is satisfied.

Radio silence.

No contact.



Onward.

Mysteries of the Universe

One of my modules (yes the one with the boring lecturer) is called Nuclear Astrophysics, and the title of the text is The Physics of Stars.

As I start to work through the equations I am feeling an odd mix of awe and dread, that we human beings could dare to approach understanding such huge celestial bodies, and indeed the very processes that create these things.

All things bright and beautiful
All creatures great and small
All things wise and wonderful
The Lord God made them all

It is quite humbling that our creation is so intricately connected to the splendour of the stars.

Handmade, friends. We are handmade.

Wow.

School begins

I am horrified to have learnt that I have an utterly boring lecturer for Nuclear Astrophysics..

Sigh..

I think its a lot of library work for me..

Hopefully the rest aren't so bad..

Onward.

Router zhngness

I am proud to declare that I took a bold step of faith and updated my router's firmware with a 3rd-party program. For those of us who have no idea what I just said, I have basically erased the brain of my router and replaced it with a free software. A better one, I might add.

This is like making your Fujitsu pretend to be an IBM. HAHA. (Sorry I don't like Fujitsu)

Anyhow. So after months of worrying whether my router would go into a coma, I took a step of faith and updated my router's brain with a program called DD-WRT.

It does a lot of wondrous things. Most importantly, from the usual 28mW of transmit power, you can up it to a WONDERFUL 251mW. That is an amazing jump.. Kinda guarantees you'll receive a signal almost anywhere at home. Whether your laptop can transmit to the router, however, is another problem.. haha.

However, increasing the transmit power by 2 times does not increase the intensity by 2 times. It increases the intensity by a factor of root of 2. (Basic wave theory here). If you want to double your signal, increase your power 4 times.

I wouldn't recommend transmitting at full blast though. You guys still want kids right? Your own, I mean?

.
.
.

LOL.

Anyhow, i haven't used many of the functions in there.. but if you're more technically able, then give it a shot. There are a huge number of functions inside.

My router is a trusty (and cheap) Linksys WRT54G version 2.0 router. The firmware works on many routers, even those not under Linksys. Some even allow you to overclock your router, making it do its job faster.. Reducing the time you take between click and webpage viewing.

So give it a shot.. Its not covered under warranty though.

Teching my way to infinity and beyond,
Mel

The end is near (with more than 1 meaning)

So... 2008 draws to a close and I will share the main points of a sermon that I heard, when I unashamedly attended City Harvest Church's sunday Expo service yesterday.

Here are the main points.

1) Don't look back at old sins that were already forgiven
2) Don't look back at old defeats that get you down
3) Don't look back at old conflicts that make you bitter
4) Don't look back at old victories thinking you have arrived

That actually sums up quite a lot of problems in our lives. As the year draws to an end, we usually look back. But why do we look back? What are we looking for?

I found myself reflecting quite a bit as the sermon progressed.

With regards to point 3, he mentioned that someone he heard once put it quite simply.

'Don't nurse, curse or rehearse. Release it to to God, and He will disperse'

which we kinda all know but find hard to do. It is quite a nice way to phrase it though.

LAB REPORT
Sermon took no longer than half an hour? At least it felt that way.

Takes me longer to get to Expo but its a shorter service.

Food choices really suck but I guess sermon trumps food anytime.

Lights were turned way down in the Expo hall so it felt like nighttime.. Kinda messed up my internal clock for a while. Good lights and effects though. Singers had awesome voices. Songs had extremely meaningful lyrics.

Pastor Kong actually dressed up like a teenager for the sermon. Which is a bit of a finishing touch, but it hints at the amount of thought poured into the thing.

No crazy words / abstract themes. Biblical truth blasted straight into life's problems. Again and again. Fast and furious. Didn't feel like my time was wasted.

SUMMARY
Good experience, will definitely visit often.

Don't worry, He'll be back..

Everything went according to plan...



Merry Christmas!

Updates

Coffee fast has been very good so far, which means a 100% total abstinence.. but i sense very little brain difference.. maybe thats not much of a dependence.

Time to up the experiment.

sigh.
i hate myself.

NO ALCOHOL UNLESS I'M WITH FRIENDS. which means. no alcohol alone in my room.

I'll probably regret this. but. ARGH.

Okay. so the beer and the vodka will go into my sisters' room for storage.

And I hope to report good news soon.

I've been too lazy to start the fitness thing. Sigh. I shall do the situps now, and make myself run tmr.

Onward.

Birthday presents

Some of my church friends pooled their money together and bought me a gaming keyboard!

To be quite honest I feel quite poser using such high end gaming equipment and still being extremely lousy at DoTA. But it does feel quite comfortable and it has a really nice feel about it.

So I guess I'm really a Razer fan right now. They make good equipment, and I hear the Singapore distributor (Ban Leong Enterprises) is quite nice about changing your gear if it happens to be a manufacturing defect.

So far my Razer gear consists of a Razer Krait mouse,

















a Razer Exactmat mousepad,















and a Razer Lycosa. (in full glow mode)

















A pity one is orange and the other is blue. But I like the Krait. Its cheap haha. I even have a spare one in a cupboard in case the one i'm using dies. But that shouldn't happen anytime soon. They even sell replacement teflon feet for the mouse so you can just replace the teflon when it wears out.

Oh wait i'm supposed to talk more about the keyboard. Well theres a touchpanel on the side for your music program. You can set the buttons to work with iTunes, WMP, Winamp, or a few other programs.. When that's done, you just touch the 'Play' symbol to run your program. There are also volume touch buttons and the 'next track' 'previous track' touch buttons.

The touchpanel.

















The light button bears some mention. The keys are darkened at first, so when you touch the lightbulb logo, the WASD keys glow. This is for games like counterstrike and other FPS games.

WASD mode.

















Touching the logo again causes ALL the keys to glow blue, which is what you see in the first keyboard picture above. Touching it a 3rd time causes the lights to go off, leaving only the usual CapsLock, NumLock and ScrollLock lights.

Its quite pretty in the dark, but i don't usually do any computing in the dark.. My eyes are messed up enough haha..

All in all, a GREAT product. Something I wouldn't buy for myself cause I absolutely need to be convinced of its functionality before i slap down that kind of money. And I havent seen any display pieces for me to fiddle with. But it works great, its comfortable, and its kickass cool.

What more could a techie want?

:)

Holidays

Now that my exams + IPPT + wisdom tooth extraction phase I + YPM camp is all over, I finally taste the holidays.

I have since
1) Rearranged my room
2) Gone for a buffet
3) Bought a second hand electric guitar for 100 bucks (it doesn't sound too bad actually)
4) Bought clothes (including a pair of Levi's. They have a promo going on . Do check it out)
5) Cleared some junk from my room
6) Went for Karaoke


I need to
1) Think about Christmas. (not the philosophy of Christmas. I need to think of what i'm going to do for Christmas.)
2) Settle my internship nonsense.
3) Plan my next few weeks
4) Find out about paintball :)

So far so good...

Oh yes.
I am declaring my fast from
1) coffee
2) needless internet
3) too much sugar
for this holiday period

I will also resolve to
1) run 3 times a week
2) do 30 situps a day
so as to get 400 bucks from the gahmen. I got 200 bucks for my silver.. But as the song goes.. THERE MUST BE MORE THAN THIS. So i want my money. :D

By the way today is day 4 of my coffee abstinence. You guys can note my behaviour and tell me if it helps.

If you guys haven't noted, yes i'm back to fixing things in my life. Hmn. Optimisation problem..

Euler-Lagrange equation anyone?

Onward.

Its over.

I got a million and one things to do la...

I don't feel exactly very free...

And crap my room is still a mess...

LAST PAPER

By right i should be excited and give it a last burst of fire.

But my mind has already started dumping the other modules' information already...

STOP DUMPING MM2 STUFF YOU DISOBEDIENT HEAD.

There.

Much better.

I really have to stop talking to myself. I might start replying someday. (!)

On the bright side there is a serious stack of notes in a pile on the floor to symbolise the modules that are done with...

ok. work work.

Onward.

Decision

Of all the stupidest times to be affected.

I have decided not to be affected by family nonsense anymore.

Some things are obviously not my problem. Obviously not my responsibility.

Shell time.

Shields up.

Disgusted

I have no time for stuff like this.

I have more important things to do.

Seriously.

Exam timetable

25/11/08 PM - Fundamentals of Mathematics
26/11/08 PM - Coding Theory
28/11/08 AM - Introduction to Geometry
01/12/08 AM - Modern Optics
02/12/08 AM - Mathematical Methods in Physics II

Here we go....

need to live it.

Oh God let me live up to whatever You call me to do.

Let me cling on to the substance of things hoped for, to contain the evidence of things unseen..

Force me to..



onward.

Mathematical lovin'

Today is the day when I am going to proudly announce that I am doing a second major in maths. Attached below is an email sent out by my math tutor for one of my mods.. He's a grad student and the gst below are his initials. Of course, its fictitious, but he wrote it to help our revision???


Hi Jing,

It has been one year since you left me. You really taught me not to take things for granted, I should have proven my love to you earlier. I always take that the fact that I love you is an axiom and you knew it, no proof required but I guess I am wrong.

I am still trying to prove that if i m gst, then i love you.

I realized that a direct proof is quite hard.
so i tried to use a contrapositive to prove it:

I rephrase the sentence to
"if i don't love you, then I am not gst"

I also try to prove by using contradiction
i try to assume that "if i m gst and i don't love you", then something is wrong.

I also try to prove by cases,
Case 1: Assume that I m on earth, ....
Case 2: Assume that i m on mars,...
Case 3: Assume that i m on pluto ... and so on

It really seems that it is very hard to prove it.

I started looking for evidence that I have put in some effort, to prove that I just remember that I gave u special gift with ur name on it on V day every year since i met you. This is enough to prove that I have put in the effort as to show existence of effort, I just need to show examples. Of course, to show that it exists, I don't really have to construct it explicitly. but oh well, since I have some evidence, why not? you told me that it is not enough to show that i have dedicated my whole heart to u though, as i did not attended your 21st Birthday, you claimed that that is a counter example. If I can travel back time, I would try harder to get to you in time. But unfortunately, the hypothesis seems to be false, I can't travel back to the time, since the hypothesis is wrong, it doesn't matter about the conclusion... But anyway, regardless of what happened in the past, it is over now, but i do keep them in memory, as they deserve to stay in my brain, and not on a piece of helpsheet.

I should have go after you like the way I chase element in mathematics to show that a set belongs to another. I could have proven that the set of days that I like you is non-empty by assuming that it is empty and find a contradiction. I should have form Cartesian products of the flowers that i can find in the flower shop and give a bouquet to you. For example, let say we have A={red rose} in one shop, B={blue rose} in another shop, I would have given you AxB={(red rose, blue rose)} to you, I might also like to switch the order too. too bad I was just a poor student back then and I can't afford them.

I like you the very first day I met you, I just need to prove that if I like you on the k-th day, then I will like you on (k+1)-th day. This is the simplest mathematical induction procedure, perhaps it is not that simple to prove it that way. Perhaps proving that if i love you on (k-1)-th day, and k-th day then I will like you on (k+1)-day, for this problem, since I am taking two days backward, I will have to prepare two base cases, like you on first day and second day. Perhaps all these are not enough, perhaps I need to assume that i love you from the day I met you till k-th day and prove that i will love you on the (k+1)-th day. Any method will work to prove that I love you for everyday in my lifetime.

Consider the mapping "is the boyfriend of" from the set of "male" to the set of "female". Since the day u left me, the mapping is no longer a function, as I being in the domain doesn't have a gf anymore. so let's restrict the domain to the set of attached guys and make it a function. There are popular girls which attract a lot of attention and the function might not be injection (why?), by at the same time, there might be girl who are unattached yet which cause it to not be a surjection (why?). You asked me to try those, to try to include me inside the domain and you describe dream of the world that it is a bijection between the two sets so that every human have a soul mate dedicated to them. I sure hope that I am your preimage and I exist and unqiue. If it is a bijection, I hope that the inverse function which exist would map you to me.

You rejected me because you believe that we are lacked of common interest, the way you phrase it is our greatest common divisor is 1 and that's it. But I believe that starting from there, we can prove that we are linked by some integer x and y such that (gst)x+(Jing)y=1 and the condition is equivalent, the condition is so pretty that the converse holds as well. But of course, if possible, we can have more common interest and make things more interesting at the expense that sometimes (gst)x+(jing)y=something else, we cannot say that something else is our greatest common divisor, we can only say that it is multiple of our common interest. Perhaps sometimes we can find out how many common interests we have by using some formula like d(n) and knows it properties well so that we can find the nature of our intests easily. Anyway, at the minimum, we should know well about our gcd, just like if gcd(shangtai,jing)=d, then we should know that d|shangtai and d|jing and furthermore, for any integers, x and y, d|shangtai(x)+jing(y). However, if d|(shangtai)(jing), I can't say that d|shangtai or d|jing though, I need to check that d is a prime before I can do that by applying Euclid's lemma.

I sure hope that something remains in our memory and heart forever, afterall, we have spend a lot of time proving property of remainders. we should at the minimum, know our modulo arithmetic well like how do we subtract, add and multiply and replace equivalence stuff. (forget about divide or taking root as I don't believe that it is legal to divide our love). Unfortunately, you took mod of a prime number, say you took mod 7. and you prove that regardless of whether you are 1,2,3,4,5,6, you can some sort of do some trick to make yourself multiply to a number to form 1 and make you disappear from my vision. For example if you are the number 2, you can multiply yourselve by -3 to form -6 which is congruent to 1 and so on. How I wish you are number 0, then no matter what number is multiplied to you, you will always remain the same.

You called me up last week and ask me how many people should you invite to attend your wedding dinner, given the budget and the cost of vegetarian and non-vegatarian meals. The question sounds familiar, just like that question that we solved together back then. I think we can form diophantine equations and solve it. To solve it, we have a standard formula, but we have to find a particular solution first. we can do so by using Euclidean Algorithm.... I believe you can solve it. =) Congratulations to you. Hope you have a happily ever after life with ur hubby.

Last but not least, I still believe in my axiom.

Your Best Friend from now on (at least I define it to be),
shangtai


WHAHAHAHAHAHAA

You just have to roll with it

So i bring all my gear into the science library only to see that there's no internet access from 7-10pm tonight for 'urgent maintenance work'

What the... Routers don't break down just like that, and saturday is OBVIOUSLY a better time to do this kinda nonsense...

Administration.....

ARGH.

Time to download everything off the IVLE network so I can view all my files offline later...

Wierdest looking thing I ever saw

Vulnerability

In my blogging, and actually in all human relationships, there is a very distinct straining at two opposite ends.

There is a need to reveal. There is a need to show who you really are, and an underlying need to be accepted.

There is also a need to hide. There are some things you don't think you wanna show. Some thoughts, some actions, some habits.

Balancing the two, is probably a delicate art for anyone less than perfect.


The end state is easy to see. If you do spend enough time working on moving ahead towards doing things God's way and living your life right, there will be very little need to hide.

Or rephrased, its easier to reveal and teach when you've aligned your heart and mind. Maybe in a brute force kinda way, its slightly more forgivable to be stubborn when you're stubbornly right..

Exciting!

Onward.

Counting....

Haha I really gotta put this up...

This morning the prof was talking about Euclid's lemma... and he flashed some picture and said how he came up with some discoveries that we are familiar with.. like Euclidean space, and Euclidean geometry...

and a little caption said he lived during 300BC or around there..

Prof 'So, he lived a long time ago, this is 300BC.... Some people ask me if he is still alive.'

O_O

University undergraduates!

The future of our nation!!!

-_-''


On a side note i have spent an entire day on FF7 to see that it is a very good game but i will destroy my finals if i continue seeing how good the game is. Thus I have put it in a secure place and will keep mugging.

Sigh.

I was THIS close to buying a gamepad.

onward.

The right thing to do

After many discussions, a lot of thought and a sizeable amount of beer with close friends over an F1 race, i have come to the following conclusion.

Some things shouldn't bother us too much

Its that simple.. You shouldn't worry about the things you can't fix, and just work on the things you should be fixing.

It seems that many of us are in a stage where we are re-learning life's simplest lessons.

Hopefully pride will not be an obstacle to our learning......

Onward.

Pressure intoxicates

I feel quite loaded... like seriously with tons of lesson content and technically demanding stuff to ponder through..

But yet I feel strangely good.. like I'm achieving something...

Hmn. Maybe its some self-worth thing.

oh well...

I'll figure this all out AFTER the semester ends....

Till then...


onward.

Never an ugly sight in geometry

God made all things beautiful......

Descartes' Theorem

If four mutually tangent circles have curvature k_i (for i = 1,…,4), Descartes' theorem says:

(1)

When trying to find the radius of a fourth circle tangent to three given kissing circles, the equation is best rewritten as:

(2)

The ± sign reflects the fact that there are in general two solutions. Other criteria may favor one solution over the other in any given problem.

The curvature mentioned earlier is the 'bend' in the poem below, and it refers to the reciprocal of the radius. (1/r)

The Kiss Precise

For pairs of lips to kiss maybe
Involves no trigonometry.
This not so when four circles kiss
Each one the other three.
To bring this off the four must be
As three in one or one in three.
If one in three, beyond a doubt
Each gets three kisses from without.
If three in one, then is that one
Thrice kissed internally.

Four circles to the kissing come.
The smaller are the benter.
The bend is just the inverse of
The distance from the center.
Though their intrigue left Euclid dumb
There's now no need for rule of thumb.
Since zero bend's a dead straight line
And concave bends have minus sign,
The sum of the squares of all four bends
Is half the square of their sum.

To spy out spherical affairs
An oscular surveyor
Might find the task laborious,
The sphere is much the gayer,
And now besides the pair of pairs
A fifth sphere in the kissing shares.
Yet, signs and zero as before,
For each to kiss the other four
The square of the sum of all five bends
Is thrice the sum of their squares.

- Frederick Soddy

School sucks.

It does.

Change of focus

Lam 3:21-33
(21) But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:
(22) The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;
(23) they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
(24) "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him."
(25) The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.
(26) It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.
(27) It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth.
(28) Let him sit alone in silence when it is laid on him;
(29) let him put his mouth in the dust-- there may yet be hope;
(30) let him give his cheek to the one who strikes, and let him be filled with insults.
(31) For the Lord will not cast off forever,
(32) but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love;
(33) for he does not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men.

The Past

Father?

I don't get it.

I really don't.

Should the walls go up forever...

It seems the only way to stop hurting...

I don't have this kind of mental discipline.. I don't have it in me..

Is this a trial?

I am sick of failing.

How do I force myself to forget?

Sigh.

Okay, You're right. I did it before. I forced myself to forget something.

I know its possible.

Maybe I don't want to forget.

Maybe I'm afraid of losing something.

Sigh.

Lord?

Help me see that what I have now is not mine, and what I'm afraid of losing, You already hold in Your hands.

Force me to see that, if need be...

Father hold me..

Health

My health is seriously taking a beating...

I am finding myself pushing very hard to do my questions, which is a good thing, but it has so far come at a price.. i snap out of my assignments feeling slightly dazed..

Not to mention I'm having some very unfriendly assignments..

Do keep me in prayer..

onward.

Feeling the strain

I think i'm getting a bit cranky..

My room is in its usual mess but I have this insane urge to start cleaning the entire room... And when i say that I mean sanitise, like look for dirt and wipe down all the cupboards and rearrange all my books again....

I think its a sign i'm getting anal..... I really need a proper break after my tests.. But looking at my schedule that would mean i get like... a few hours to myself.. haha..

Onward.

Combat Action Report

I am pleased to report that I have fought off a bout of flu in 4 days with minimal effects.
-
--
---

Flu was diagnosed based on the patient observing a mucus colour of olive green on day 1 (saturday). Possible misdiagnosis due to green mucus appearing only in left nostril for entire duration. Infection judged to be present.

Treatment was based on a combination of multivitamins and vitamin C supplements. Vitamin C dose was 1000mg on day 1, followed by 2000mg on each subsequent day. On the subsequent days, the 2000mg consisted of 1000mg timed release and 1000mg of Redoxon.

Symptoms were alleviated, the harshest of which were a slightly hoarse throat and a mild headache. Symptoms may have been aggravated by the patient drinking one pint of beer at Rifle Range Road whilst eating rich foods such as satay, chilli crab and watching F1 cars fly around a track. However, patient has had a history of attempting to eat more during bouts of illness. The feast may have had contributed to the treatment. Beer may have had an antibiotic effect.

More research follows.

Silent Support (Thats you!)

For some weird reason my blog counter hits have been soaring like crazy.. (I really should change to another blog counter, since this one resets itself whenever I break the 2000 mark or so..) But seriously.. I don't even think my life is THAT interesting haha...

But if, in the off chance that its not a tech defect, then there are people who read my blog, and thank you all for praying, for hoping along with me or just popping in to take a look.. I really appreciate it, and i'll try to spruce things up at the end of the year.

Anyhow.
I've mapped out some things in my head.... seems that there is a time and season for everything.. and some things must be put aside for the greater good.. It seems that God is not yet finished with me, in a lot of areas. (Which, by the way, is not a good thing to claim... It means something like I messed up, got retained and am now in remedial and supplementary classes....) So right now its really a time of going back down to basics. Obedience. submission, and worst of all, faith.

I hate faith. I absolutely hate it. From the time I was young I needed things to make sense, or to put it a different way, I needed to be able to convince myself of things. I think we all can identify with this.. But its not easy to convince when you are trying to be objective.. Every statement you make, you ask yourself if you are sure..

Faith kinda contradicts the being sure part haha....

So where does faith come in for me? I think I can understand that God's love led him to make a sacrifice for us. But everything before, is a total mystery to me.

For example, answer the following questions in any churchy way you like, and feel free to imagine me muttering "It doesn't quite make sense..."

Why does He think we are worth it?
Why does He love us?
Did He really make us to be more than what we are now?

These aren't really questions we can answer well without sounding at least a little bit deluded :)
But these are exactly the questions we need to move forward in life. So let us all convince ourselves, that there are things we cannot understand, but they are true nonetheless, and thus spur each other on.

Heb 10:23-24
(23) Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.
(24) And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works,


P.S. Please remind me to revamp this blog in December...

P.P.S. I almost stepped on roadkill on Monday morning... The bird was.. fresh. Yes. For the drivers among us, please don't drive over any birds.. I really like my shoes..

When the rubber hits the road....

then the shit hits the fan haha...

Shucks I just wasted one hour...

But that doesn't mean I should waste another one...

On to coding!

onward.

Term break

Ah, what will I achieve in this week?

One week of time, leaving one with endless and boundless opportunities....

Perhaps life goes on, one day at a time, one week at a time...

My goal is to master this week, by mastering the hours.....



Onward.

Optical illusion

On tuesday last week my Optics professor (who believes you should buy a girl a drink when you ask her to dance.. and the first beverage he mentioned was BEER, then wine... O_O" ) gave us a revision lecture for chapters 1-4

Me 'Eh, if he revises 4 chapters for us, there's no way he's testing anything futher than chapter 4 for the first test'

Colin 'So when's the test?'

Me 'He's never mentioned it.. Lets ask him'

So we go up to him after class and ask him and he says to us (only to us cause we asked)

"Oh, how about next wednesday?"

SO THERE WE GO. at least he had the decency to announce it the next day.. but still.. what the pok.


In conclusion i'm in the science library studying Optics now..

not good

I think I'm falling ill, with all the frustrating lesson material..

And i'm not up at this time for fun.. I just spent two hours doing one question.

Current events

Hello everyone...

I'm in the midst of fixing stuff (again)...

How do I describe the current situation? I feel like i'm in the eye of the storm.. I definitely know things are raging around me, but I feel oddly calm, and collected.

I have recently been convicted, again, that the crux of the entire matter is back again to they endless cycle of humility, submission and obedience... Of what use is the outward talent and gifts if they are not supported by a very real and strong holiness and intimacy with the Lord?

I don't believe in claiming to be someone I'm not..

So its time for fixing... And perhaps when people give of themselves to the Lord's business, in broken submission, revival is not far off.

Onward.

crawling

So. There are problems in the ministry, my math is getting insane again and I am actually sensing that I'm getting emotional (which is the rarest of all, sadly).

one at a time then.

who knows what will happen next?

onward.

million and one consequences

I've been thinking about a million and one things (again)...

It seems that, in the christian walk, God is always calling out to us and beckoning us to take up the roles and responsibilities that He has called us towards.. And yet it always feels like its so hard to do... but at the end of the day there is this very real and strong hope that God is always providing for us, equipping us. I say hope, but this hope is not a wistful longing, but a powerful confidence that God is who He is.

There is thus no longer any reason to think that we are not worthy, for God himself has defined us to be worthy. Which one of us then has the right to think any lower of ourselves than God does of us, when He is the one who redeemed us.

You were bought at a price.. Don't you think that He would know that price full well, having paid that exorbitant amount for you?

Tremendous consequences.. for words simply cannot describe the full blast I feel when I think of the word 'redeemed'. Funny how we often sing it in songs like My Redeemer Lives, and yet gloss over it..

That hints to me that our mental picture could be extremely myopic. Imagine the raw unharnessed potential of every single believer. But lest we run ourselves in circles, it would do us good to remember that everything has its basis in rock solid humble obedience.

(Joh 14:15) If you love Me, keep My commandments.


---------

Just a reflection more for myself actually... Something I keep having to remind myself about, even though it speaks to clearly to me. Maybe some of you guys can read it, and be encouraged too..

I wanted to post something very nice about circles and triangles that I learnt in my lecture today, but i think it will have to wait... At least until I can find a not-so-boring way to present it...

(Its really cool!)

(really!!)

(i don't think you've seen it before!)

(i'm really tired as you can tell)

I found out recently that I actually consider my room a very protected and secret place.... Its a place where I just shut the door and sit in my fort of a table and work.. However even in the midst of the emotional comfort of my dungeon, I think I will try to surrender all my thoughts to Him.. There's no sense thinking about things that have no real value... Why not focus on Him? (easier said than done but i guess you would understand the motivation for the effort)

So... like so often I've written before...

Onward.

Learning processes

After some deliberation I have decided to blog about how I learn and a bit about how I think. Perhaps this may help some of us.

When I was younger I was kinda pampered and kept in a very safe environment, and things just happened as they did.

When I got to school, however, things came as somewhat of a shock to me, and i had to change my mindset over some time..

Some things I have clarified in my head. The parts in brackets can be read later, as they are a rephrasing of the statements given. This should enhance our reflection.

1) Anyone can be right. (I can be wrong) (So can you)
This is not very evident. We usually dump information from people we dislike. However, we have to clench our teeth sometimes and accept that even people we utterly despise can say something right.

Yes. Any idiot can be right, and if your pride is in the way you will end up looking feeling ashamed or dumping truth.

2) Being right does not mean that people will agree with you. (I may disagree with people who are right)
This is more obvious than statement (1). Many times we KNOW we are right, but some people just don't want to listen. Often, people need to understand why you are right, or 'get' it.

Understanding takes on certain forms.

Some people need logical steps for understanding. Some people are not concerned with logic and are more concerned with emotional support.

It is possible to feel that you 'get it' without actually thinking it through. That means it is possible for everyone to 'get it', agree with you and you can still be wrong. Numbers don't quite matter here.

My point here is to lay out the differences in the way people 'get it'. Not to claim superiority of either one. Equating logic with emotional support, however, can lead to disastrous consequences.

3) Being shown to be wrong does not mean that people can do it right. (Just cause i point out wrong, it doesn't mean it will change)
This has links to (2). Many times when I carry out a task I can see which parts are done wrongly. However, that doesn't mean someone knows how to do it right.

4) Doing things wrong could have some causes, roots and explanations. (There could be underlying causes for my behaviour)
Sow a habit, reap a ........

You get the idea.

5) Doing things right could also have causes, roots and explanations. (There may be things that right someone's behaviour)

Note that (3), (4) and (5) say that if someone shows me that I did something wrong.. it stops there. unless I actually think about why I behave that way and work out the causes for it.

I think this lends clues for our personal growth.

(1) and (2) are very effective when we listen to sermons or talks. Are we taking in the truth?
(3), (4) and (5) are very effective when we have just learnt a lesson. How will that lesson change us?

I hope this makes sense.. My mathematical proofs in school are quite poor, so hopefully it all works out.

Onward.

First day of school

I am exhausted..

I hope this doesn't persist..

My room

At long last I finally got down to doing it..

(sorry mandia)


Its in a total mess as you can see.


































My fav part is that the laptop is by the side. This frees up my writing space totally.

On a side note.. I've been thinking very quickly these few days. Its either the massive amount of issues coming along to hit me, or that I'm feeling less stressed and more adjusted.

Perhaps its a mix of both.

School beckons. 5 core mods, 1 gem.

Onward.

Redang

I didn't say much about this, but I almost lost my phone on my trip!

We woke up at about 7 in the morning after an all-night bus trip, and I groggily followed samson out of the bus, almost tripping on myself, when suddenly I had a mental alarm go off in my head

CRAP!

something's wrong.

what's wrong?

i don't know.

something isn't quite right.


The moment I patted my hands on my side pockets I knew what had happened.. I left my phone on the bus seat..

But to cut a long story short, I had kinda given up on the phone and made up my mind to still have a good time.. We were walking around waiting before checking in when suddenly we spotted one of the guys who was on our bus

"Hey one of you left your phone on the bus right? Yeah its with me wait here.."

whoa. Thats like.. 1 in a million...

I won't spoil the testimony, but I'll just show some pictures.















The wind is amazingly strong on the top deck of the boat, but Calvin's hair is impeccable. Calvin is seriously the coolest man.....
















The great naval general Samson inspects his boat.
















This one doesn't quite need a caption.















Guys before snorkelling
















Girls before snorkelling
















The cool guy (Calvin not me) in action again
















Chilling at the beach listening to the live band















Estella looking like she's about to be kissed by a toilet brush.






























The weirdest ferry ride on the planet, only because of the videos they played during the ride. Yuck. I want to dip my head in dettol.

But all in all it was a great trip.. The sand is really amazing and you'll start to wonder why you even bothered bringing slippers..

If only I stayed in a place like that..

Off to Redang..

Its been a bit hard to pack.. I don't know.. I probably don't need very many things..

Hmn.

Oh well...

Maybe I feel that there's lots to things undone.. Things to accomplish..

Never mind.... I quote Takeshi Kaneshiro in Red Cliff:

'我要冷静一下'

Probably what I need most right now..

Wish me a safe journey!

Onward

Why is it so hard....

Argh.

I don't understand...

Everyone makes mistakes

Hello all..

I'm typing this because I was thinking and mulling over something I learnt on Sunday. Basically some people messed up and well, now many people now know they messed up..

As a result of their guilt they have since taken to shying away from everyone, and a lot of us haven't seen them in a long while.. i wanted to say 'As a result of their mistake' but that would be inaccurate. Mistakes don't make you shy away. Guilt and self-pity might be the culprits..


In any disaster there HAS to be an effective way to help. (i believe so, at least) Or at least there are multiple effective ways to help.

(For those of us familiar with the Lagrangian formalism of classical mechanics, this constraint part will sound very similar)

Considering the various circumstances under which the mishap occurred, there are constraints which we have to consider. Perhaps there is a death in the family. Perhaps there is a financial crisis. Perhaps there is a grave illness. Perhaps there is a lack of family ties. The list goes on.

These constraints serve to limit the avenues of approach. Also, they might lend a clue to areas which we have to be sensitive in.



After considering the constraints, we must study the system. What happened?
Is it totally despicably unforgivable?

C.S. Lewis mentions in Mere Christianity that :
'It is a terrible thing that the worst of all the vices can struggle itself into the very centre of our religious life. But you can see why. The other, and less bad, vices come from the devil working on us through our animal nature. But this does not come through our animal nature at all. It comes direct from Hell. It is purely spiritual: consequently it is far more subtle and deadly. For the same reason, Pride can often be used to beat down the simpler vices. Teachers, in fact, often appeal to a boy's Pride, or, as they call it, his self-respect, to make him behave decently: many a man has overcome cowardive, or lust, or ill-temper, by learning to think that they are beneath his dignity - that is, by Pride. The devil laughs. He is perfectly content to see you becoming chaste and brave and self-controlled provided, all the time, he is setting up in you the Dictatorship of Pride - just as he would be quite ontent to see your chilblains cured if he was allowed, in return, to give you cancer. For Pride is spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense'

John Ortberg, in Everybody's Normal Till You Get To Know Them mentions that historically there are two categories for sin. Sins of the flesh and sins of the spirit. Regarding the latter:

'Rarely does a church exercise discipline over one of these sins. If you hear a pastor having to leave a church for "moral reasons," you can be pretty sure it's not pride. Churches in our day are not usually scandalised by sins like arrogance or self-righteousness.'

And afterward he concludes:
'We are most scandalised by sins of the flesh. Jesus was most scandalised by sins of the spirit.'

I don't think I'll further the discussion, because at this point it is first apparent that we can now leave all judgment in God's hands, for we are all in no position to throw stones.

This is the time when we get to show the mercy that was given to us. Free.

Onward.

Cautiously stalking.... planning...... praying...

I just had a long long talk with my mom.. It appears that the storms are looming darker and closer, but I take heart in the fact that the house with foundations laid upon solid rock may be shaken but remains intact. I don't say this with foolish idealism. I say this staring at a whole bunch of crap, in the face.. It could be that things are not that bad. I would however choose to overdo things and do things with paranoid attention to detail.

I know better, however than to get overexcited and act rashly. I already did that once, with probably disastrous results. I stand by what I said, but i should have refined how I did it.

Pondering about that, I realise that this may be an extremely long process. God change our hearts.

Please do keep my family in prayer..

If you realise, I am not writing this stuff because it is a cool way to blog... i can't honestly say I'm a staunch soldier standing tall in the face of all this. I am kinda trembling for the most part, desperately wishing I could hide.. But I sense God's hand in this.. even though I never claim to sense things like that..

Onward.

Nerve-wrackingly-drained

There are times in your life when you KNOW you can't handle certain things. Some things are beyond your power to comprehend, let alone change.

On the outside you shudder and shake, and you swallow past a parched mouth, and try to stand tall.

On the inside you start to wonder whether its all worth it.

But in your head you you hope. you cling on to what you hear.. that it is all worth it.




I'd like to ask all of you to keep my family and I in prayer, as I probably begin the most craziest project of my life...

I want to make an effort to repair my family.

And I guess that isn't even the right way to phrase it...

I don't know.. Right now I have this insane adrenalin rush, where I want to fix it all with my bare hands. But at the same time this mad amount of grief where i wonder how things could have gone so wrong.

I am afraid. I really am, because I have no idea how this all will turn out.. It will probably be no big event or anything of that sort.. but I pray God changes hearts, hopefully starting from mine..