Its done!

Not a perfect job i must confess... but lots of effort put into it.

2459 words, and i only started on monday night.

And oh yes, I dedicated it to Levi too.. heh
















it sounds as though i'm dedicating it to a wife called Levi.
aaaanyhow.. hope its well received.

Mel

Naruto character test...

Ha I took it for fun..

Mozilla Firefox

Hello, due to aaron's complaint of popups i have decided to do some publicity for my internet browser..

Mozilla Firefox!!

This net browser, although slower to startup than IE, does a fantastic job of blocking popups and ads..

Firefox is open-source, and that means that geeky people can create programs to install onto Firefox, allowing for added functionality. I had a weather forecast module installed into Firefox at one point. They have things like Gmail checkers and youtube clip downloaders. I'm using a add-on to save-state when i shut down my browser/computer.. so you can actually resume what you were surfing before.. You can actually install themes too, to change the look of your browser window. My laptop has a really small screen, so i'm using a theme called Littlefox.. it has smaller sized buttons so as to accomodate more surfing space.

Seriously, with options like this, IE7 really appears pathetic.

Did I mention? Firefox works for the OSX also. If you absolutely HAVE to have the Safari look for your browser there are themes to install, or try Camino, from Mozilla too.

I only use IE for my NUS email..

Change to firefox!

haha
Mel

Awesome burden

Hello everyone. The tone of this post will be a bit more subdued. I am in the midst of writing a proposal, probably the most important write-up of my life, and yet not directly impacting my future.

I think i gave myself too short a timeline. I have till saturday to finish it. This impacts a lot of what is going on in a certain group of people around me.

Why am I writing this? I think that its the right thing to do. I think that it must be done, for some of us to all agree on certain things, and thereafter move ahead and proceed with the correct steps.

Pray for me, as I focus all my will and all my brain into this writeup. I want to write it lovingly and sternly. I want to convey the importance of the issues, and yet be compassionate.

Lord give me strength.

Mel

Connect Conference

Hello people.. I attended Connect Conference over Friday and Saturday, and it was a blast!

The conference really opened my eyes to the stuff that we never realise..

Things like working hard in school, in order to be competent in your work in future, so as to bring glory to God.. things like cultivating a disciplined life, saturated in His Word..

These things we know. Sometimes we need a kick in the butt.. Sometimes we forget the reasons for doing those things, and we lose steam cause we don't see why we should do some things anymore.

In the workshop I attended, 'The Secret of Loving' the speakers Amos and Karen shared some insights on BGR that i never heard before.. Crucial to any relationship, is Trust, Respect, Understanding and Love. And interestingly, they stressed that we need to respect ourselves, understand ourselves also...

SO many lessons... SO little energy to recall everything now...

Some pictures i guess?
























































Mel

mid term is over.........

For some inexplicable reason....

I have survived half a sem...

as you can see school looks pretty empty.. (at lunchtime..)
seems like most people are skipping class already














and yes this is our very own Yu Ming.. Mr genius for you..

the wind was blowing and he was asking another Mr genius some question.

they call him Yu Ming

I call him boss.

Blog launch

Okay.. here goes nothing. I'm going to put my blog website on my MSN nick.. seems that its the best way to get some publicity nowadays..

for history's sake.. maybe we can see how my blog evolves..

for now its just like this.
















please feel free to leave a comment.. and thanks for visiting..

Splurging on a CD

I just bought a CD!
















I guess I really should be saving up money.. There are a couple of things I want to spend money on.. But I saw Olivia on sale at the Science Bazaar, and the uncle selling CDs really knows how to work the crowd.. Mid term tests are coming and he played soothing music.. Naturally the CDs were selling like hot cakes.. So, you business kids.. Take note.. Its about the people and their needs.

Bossanova played over surround sound rocks totally.

Time for dinner, and on to real analysis homework... (MA2108)

Summer Programme plans

i went for a briefing today... on the summer programme for Uni of Waterloo held in the may to july period of 2008 (their spring term)

Apparently they have a really large faculty of mathematics.. Imagine a whole faculty of mathematics.. over in NUS its just a department of mathematics in a faculty of science..

hmmn.. i'm wondering if i even like maths that much.. maybe i should really just go for any old exchange... the aussieland one is cheaper.. and shorter..

the uni of waterloo exchange is really nuts.. it eats up my entire summer break..

sigh.

choices.. choices...

Mugging in the library

I suppose I'll have to start coming up with new and more innovative posts for days like these, cause i've been spending lots of days in the library..
anyhow here's some pictures..




I


























as you can see Fabius has given up the fight.. and the usually empty Bound Journals section of the science library is now full of people.. Gosh.. its wednesday...

I don't want to study!!!!

I want to tofu.

I really do.

Back to probability..

A fresh start..

This is a new beginning for me.. I've decided to stop moping, and get on with life.

The question then rises.. Am i sweeping the mistakes of the past under the carpet?

No.. i don't think so. For one, i cannot bring myself to delete her emails.. I still have her letters.
Every single mistake that we had, that i made, is as fresh today as it was when it took place.

I know exactly how much I have lost, if it is even possible to describe her wonder, her beauty and her gorgeous personality, that even now brings a wave of heartbreak.

I've deleted her photos.. the photos we had when we were together. I cannot claim them. They are no longer mine and I have no right to them.

This is perhaps the most painful lesson I've had in my life. Loving someone can be as disastrous as the worst accident ever.

And to pour in the irony, the lesson is something i knew all along, that something with great potential to be great, and wonderful, and beautiful, has that same potential to turn equally wrong.

This is one of those things.

I don't think I could have made it to today without some persons who spoke to me online during those cold empty nights, cooped up in my room with no comfort and no way to forgive myself.. I don't know how to express my thanks, really.. They were lifesavers, each of them..

I wish i was made of sterner stuff. I wish i had the godliness that would keep me from hurting myself and other people with my settling for lesser standards. If only I had treasured His Word, His commandments. If only I was close to Him. Perhaps there would have been less pain. But then if i didn't need the lesson, i wouldn't have had to go through all this.

I wish for a lot of things. I wish I could allow myself to rush into this pool of emotion. I wish I could tell her I loved her. I wish I could cry out to her, and I wish she would hold my hand and tell me its alright. I wish she would lean on me, and I could put my arm around her and tell her it was all going to be okay. I wish she would smile at me again.

But these things cannot happen. Not if I am to remain like this. Not if i am to stay the same wrecked person I am, with no regard for His instruction, His plan for my life. If I were to stay the same, and those things took place, we would go back to square one. I saw this when I broke up. But I told myself after that, that we could still somehow succeed. But she saw this truth too, and she refused to believe we could succeed.

She is the correct person in this. And I was kidding myself. The results will not change if the conditions remain constant.

Right now the only thing I can do is to head towards, no, throw myself headlong into trusting God. No matter how scary it is to leave her. To not find out about how she is. To not see her.

I need to love God more than I do her. And I need to trust that God can take care of her infinitely better than i ever can.

What I need to do now is to return her some things she has given me. If God willing, we have a tomorrow, then I will see those things again. She can give me all those things once more, and we can begin afresh. If not, I have no claim to those things anyhow.

God, give me strength. And help me not be afraid. Hold my hand through it all.

a post a post!

wow.. i haven't posted in so long because i thought that this blog was in worse shape that it actually is.. haha..

its been an insane week of struggling to study.. i'm currently in the library hitting at probability tutorials..

i've been feeling mopey.. i guess i'll just put up a song that kind of sums it up?



Maybe You'll Be There

Each time I see a crowd of people
Just like a fool I stop and stare
It's really not the proper thing to do
But maybe you'll be there
I go out walking after midnight
Along the lonely thoroughfare
It's not the time or place
To look for you
But maybe you'll be there
You said your arms would always hold me
You said you lips were mine alone to kiss
Now after all those things you told me
How can it end like this
Someday if all my prayers are answered
I'll hear a footstep on the stair
With anxious heart
I'll hurry to the door
And maybe you'll
Be there