I see now

Maybe knowing what the Bible says doesn't mean you can apply it.

1Co 13:1-13 MKJV
(1) Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I have become as sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal.
(2) And though I have prophecies, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so as to move mountains, and do not have charity, I am nothing.
(3) And though I give out all my goods to feed the poor, and though I deliver my body to be burned, and have not charity, I am profited nothing.
(4) Charity has patience, is kind; charity is not envious, is not vain, is not puffed up;
(5) does not behave indecently, does not seek her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil.
(6) Charity does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth,
(7) quietly covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
(8) Charity never fails. But if there are prophecies, they will be abolished; if tongues, they shall cease; if knowledge, it will be abolished.
(9) For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
(10) But when the perfect thing comes, then that which is in part will be caused to cease.
(11) When I was an infant, I spoke as an infant, I thought as an infant, I reasoned as an infant. But when I became a man, I did away with the things of an infant.
(12) For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall fully know even as I also am fully known.
(13) And now faith, hope, charity, these three remain; but the greatest of these is charity.

What do gifts do, if not used in love?

What the.

I will now fume and rant. So I'd appreciate no tags regarding this. Prayers are definitely appreciated...

Why does cold hard logic seem so inadequate when you deal with people..
Every time I apply my mind to something I seem to leave out the most obvious and the most trivial.

How come it is so easy to hurt the very people you don't want to hurt.
How come it is so easy to destroy something you want to repair.

How come I have to receive that mail tonight, when I have a test tomorrow.

Does trying to do the right thing, in an emotionless way imply a fresh wave of pain? Or is it simply impossible to shut out the emotions in doing things right, such that the pain was simply the thing I was trying to avoid?

Lord please change me. Let me do things right. Please. Please. Please.

Accident

Ooops I broke a cuvette today in the biophysics lab... I had to wear latex gloves, and i made the mistake of trying to wash two at the same time, and when i turned them over to drain the fluid one dropped into the sink with a sickening crash.. They're not very big, but it just shattered...















The moment I dropped it i went 'oh crap..' and my lab partner was quite surprised i dropped something two inches and it shattered..

The lab demonstrator went 'what happened???'

'Er I dropped one.. Does it cost a lot?'

She was quite wide eyed, then went to get another one, and told me 'try to be careful, they are expensive..'

No other incidents occured, but when i came back to my room and told my roommate he was quite O_O. 'er mel the ones in the biophysics lab aren't made of glass or plastic.. they're made of pure quartz cause some glass and plastics interfere with fluorescence spectroscopy.. one cuvette costs like 300 bucks.'

O_O

Good thing they didn't charge me for that...

I think I'll stick to pendulum bobs..

Forgiveness

In Tenderness He Sought Me

In tenderness He sought me,
Weary and sick with sin,
And on His shoulders brought me
Back to His fold again.
While angels in His presence sang
Until the courts of heaven rang.

Refrain:
Oh, the love that sought me!
Oh, the blood that bought me!
Oh, the grace that brought me to the fold,
Wondrous grace that brought me to the fold!

He washed the bleeding sin-wounds,
And poured in oil and wine;
He whispered to assure me,
"I've found thee; thou art Mine";
I never heard a sweeter voice;
It made my aching heart rejoice!

He pointed to the nailprints;
For me His blood was shed;
A mocking crown so thorny
Was placed upon His head:
I wondered what He saw in me
To suffer such deep agony.

I'm sitting in His presence,
The sunshine of His face,
While with adoring wonder
His blessings I retrace.
It seems as if eternal days
Are far too short to sound His praise.

So, while the hours are passing,
All now is perfect rest;
I'm waiting for the morning,
The brightest and the best,
When He will call us to His side,
To be with Him, His spotless bride.

WEDNESDAY NIGHT IS COMING

Haha.. anyone for wednesday night romance?

Insane tests day

Yoohoo everyone.. I had a very crazy day yesterday.. with two tests in the morning...

I was close to panicking.. but it went alright..

Classical mechanics was all right.. I actually understand most of it.. It was the thermo test that was crazy..

Lets see how it went..

It was supposed to start at 230, and end at 330. The lecture slot begins at 2 and ends at 4, so of course students will go into the LT and sit there, read, and wait for the thing to begin.. And we'd all expect the prof to say stuff like 'please spread out and don't sit so near each other'.

THIS PROF.

made everyone go to the back of the LT and stand there while he took like 10 minutes to put the answer sheets and questions papers on the appropriate seats.

what the.































AND THEN. we stood at the back while we waited for 230pm.
















absolutely amazing.

anyhow.. i started the test with my mind totally blank.. i was kinda exhausted already.. but i calmed down and things started making sense..

i guess i got lucky somehow.. the questions weren't too killer.. so even though i was still quite blur about a lot of things i could do most of the questions..

all in all, thank God for everything! He rewards those who seek to understand his creation haha..

Now to make the most of my one week break..

Onward..

Some thinking

Hello everyone.. Don't worry i'm not as emo as it sounds..

V-day came and went without much ado.. There was the usual array of people dressed up, girls holding bouquets and the lonelier ones not making any eye contact with anyone at all when they walk around on V-day. I made the fatal mistake of going through some of my past emails when I was asleep (yeah i rigged my phone to my laptop's bluetooth so i can actually email in bed as long as my laptop is online).. and looking back at the past hour, I could have plunged into another deep depression..

But the past weeks of discipline and mental stability have helped.. In my somewhat reckless reading, i realised there were so many markers that hinted, or rather screamed that things were going awry.. but those things were masked behind the 'i-miss-you's and the 'thinking-of-you's and the 'of-course-i'll-see-you-next-week's.. and of course there were things i somehow knew would affect us but i just pushed away..

So the long and the short of it is that i guess it still does hurt, quite a fair bit, to remember that i hurt someone i cared for very much.. The cold irony is that each of us are actually able to hurt the ones closest to us, because we matter the most to them.. That is something that i think most of us would agree with straight off, but personally, it will take me a long time to deal with.. Not just in relationships past, but also present and future..

I don't think I will ever be able to forget what happened, the lesson still scars deeply. But this is how consequences are, when more is at stake we begin to deal with heavier consequences... of course, handled correctly we deal with beautiful results..

Where am I in God's plan then? I don't think I really know.. I know that I am learning, that He is making me stronger through everything so far. As with any mistake we make, this one really makes me want to turn back time and fix everything..

But I suppose one of the lessons I took away is that some things can't be erased and rewritten like pencil scribblings on paper..

So many mess-ups. As someone who takes facts as-is, its not a very light thing.. Part of this whole chunk of a mess is learning to forgive myself. Without disrespect to all the people who have told me this, and who have shown concern before, its not an easy thing.. I don't see this as some small 'oops-i-changed-your-wallpaper' kind of thing.. its more like a 'oops-i downloaded-ten-viruses?' kind of thing..

So, it will be irresponsible for me to forget this whole thing.. Telling me to do that won't work.. I won't learn anything from forgetting..

I intend to continually ponder.. And I will understand myself.. and finally get a grip on my own life.

1Co 9:25-27 ESV
(25) Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.
(26) So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air.
(27) But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

Right..

Towards Christlikeness.. Onward.

Deep Discussion

Okay.. I realise its 1am wednesday morning now, but the discussion I am referring to is the one a couple of friends and I had on monday night, that lasted into the wee hours of tuesday morning..

How do you prove God exists? Put a mathematician and 3 physicists in a room and let them slug it out.

It was a very deep and intriguing conversation.. Flowing back and forth between logic and faith, we had a very good time delving through each other's thoughts and arguments and whether certain statements were valid or not..

Through the entire discussion I realised it wasn't really about who was correct or who had the best belief system.. I realised that to build up a Christian belief system from logic alone will inevitably end in a system that leaves out certain parts of the Bible, because things come in that logic cannot hope to comprehend. Faith, hope, and love.

1Co 13:13 ESV
(13) So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Logic cannot build these things from any system.

I choose to base it on Biblical truth. I choose to look for logical consistencies in the Bible, because I believe that the Bible is inspired by a logical Mind. But, as it is written,

Isa 55:8-9 MKJV
(8) For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor your ways My ways, says Jehovah.
(9) For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.

We cannot rely on logic alone if we want to have a relationship with God. Logic will allow us to deduce certain characteristics that we think God should have, but it does not help us in building a relationship with Him. The crux of the Christian faith is... faith.

Indeed, there is a limit to what our human minds can grasp of who God is. But the study of His Word brings about refreshing truths, and is always rewarding, bringing us closer to the nature of the Most High.

ROOMING PROBLEM 3

SO

i went to talk to 'the man' yesterday. for those of us not in the know, 'the man' is a generic term for anyone of authority, power, or basically THE ENEMY.

so anyhow.. me, the guy who swopped with me (actually a seriously nice guy from china who's super agreeable to everythign so far, including the swop and today's meeting), my physics roomie and the RA went down to talk to them..

and basically it was like some interrogation, they interviewed us all one at a time, asked us for reasons... explained why they have to be difficult.. blahblahblah

AND.

they said they'd give us a decision by next week..

rightttttttt

gosh this is just encouraging people to do illegal room changes.. had i not declared my swop during the room verification, and just pretended to be a guest in the room the request would probably have gone through, and they would have approved this by now..

argh

the price of honesty.

ROOMING PROBLEM 2

As expected... the letter to move back has come...

NO SURRENDER!

I'm going with the RA to talk to the person tomorrow..

Wish me luck.

ROOMING PROBLEM

WHAT ON EARTH.

I now declare a state of war on the Office of Student Affairs..

Those of you who know I'm in hall will probably I managed to swop my room with someone so that I could room with my buddy Jay...

So being good students we of course notified the Office of Student Affairs about the swop.. And the person said that ' I may assist you in this request provided that all parties (including the students in that current room) are to be included in your email saying that everyone is agreeable to this arrangement. '

So we swopped rooms and emailed the relevant 'i agree' emails to the person..

A couple of days ago, there was a room verification, where our Block Resident Assistants (something like a block IC) come over to check our Matric Cards to see who exactly is staying in the room.. And we of course notified the RAs that we put up a request to swop room, and all parties are agreeable.. And of course they wrote it down on their papers that we swopped rooms..

So the papers were submitted and of course the extremely childish OSA had to deny our 'request' to swop rooms because we swopped rooms BEFORE the okay was given. Even though all parties were already agreeable.

Right. And I'm now awaiting an official letter that will probably say 'get your butt back to your original room' even though its like week 3 and i'm super happy in my room with all my friends popping by to chat and say hi and we're solving till 2am in the morning and that kind of masochistic stuff. Thing is, I'm actually happy in my room, and i really don't want to lose the arrangement.

PRAY AGAINST THE BLOODY ADMINISTRATION.

morning alertness

wow i'm awake early.. well its before ten and i have no classes..

breakfast - 三鲜饺子拉面 and coffee

woo!!!

hungry hungry hungry

The heat begins

OK.. Now that the 2 weeks of lessons without tutorials are almost done with, (honeymoon period is over) the tempo is beginning to heat up..

For a start all of my fortnightly tutorials are on odd weeks.. Well, i only had a choice for one of them.. but i chose odd weeks not knowing the rest were fixed.. Bleah.. I'm bad at gambling i guess..

But it hasn't been bad.. I've moved into my hall quite comfortably..
















I take the right half.. we managed to clean it up some.. It still needs a massive mopping but most of the dust is cleaned out already.. The guy sitting there is Jay.. my physics pal..

And yes.. I remember promising to work doubly hard, so keep me in prayer, and keep tagging..

School has begun

School's up!

A new beginning and a new start..

流泪撒种必欢呼收割。

Pressing on..

2008

Right...
Let's get down to this..

The past year has been a very... intriguing one..
If we get past all the nonsense that I had to go through...

The Lord has been faithful.
In the times that i obeyed, the Lord revealed that there is a reason for His will.
This will be my motivation for the coming year, that I will believe in the joy that will come from obedience..

Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy.
He who goes forth and weeps, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.

-Psalms 126:5-6

My friends have been amazing.
I honestly cannot believe the number of times I have been blessed by the people around me.. I really don't understand this friendship thing.. We have varying degrees of friendships.. Some friends you say hi to only because you saw them coming round the corner, and you can't get away in time... Some friends you smile at once a week cause after the worship some genius has to tell you to go and shake the hands of 5 people before you sit down... Some friends you call when you need help with homework... Some friends are only there for tennis or DOTA...

And yet, this very intriguing system and compartmentalisation of friendships has been slowly moulded into a less rigid system.. The Lord has been revealing that friends are not just grouped into this category labelled 'friends', like parking aunties.. To us we don't really see the parking auntie as an individual, just as a role.. And increasingly this friend thing is more and more an individual person thing.. Its more than how deep you are into this friend role thing. Its a totally different mind boggling puzzle when there is a different person involved each time you interact.

Anyhow, I'm proud to have friends such as you guys.. And how deep this friendship is not really as measurable as I once thought it was..

Thank you ALL for your acceptance, and your time and your wise advice over the year.. Thank you all for talking to me, for listening to me and for thinking (hard) with me in the many things we've all had to go through.. Whether its things in school, things in church or just thingies, those things made up my year, and thank you all..

In writing the above i officially declare here that I feel like a socially retarded person because these are things that young children should have seen in growing up, and not when they are 22.. But better late than never, and we will press on in our growth.

Never give in.

A day in Jo-Ying's lab

Hello everyone!

What better way to spend Hari Raya than to visit Joanne in the lab?

(actually i was so bored i had nothing better to do la)

But it was a super eye opener when i went down on Thursday..

A little bit of an intro.. Her project is on porcine coronary arteries.. (if you didn't know what that meant then it doesn't really matter so never mind.. there are pictures)


Firstly.. the lab..

















Next, the scientist in action.. She's handling some tubes...

















Starting with the heart...
















Digging in to get the artery..































Cutting away the fat around the artery..
















And we have... ONE ARTERY!!!!!!
















Holy cow imagine doing that for five hearts, excising two arteries per heart...

I am definitely glad i have my equations instead..

Deeper reflections

To be very honest I've been thinking about relationships.. And I guess you could call it girl-crazy but thats not really the point.. Its not about girls.. Its more about ME.

Yup! I get to be self centred here.. But my reflections have been on a few things..

Whether i think i need a 'person'.. The answer is yes.

Whether i'm ready for a 'person'.. The answer is no.

Why I'm not ready.. The answers are numerous.

How to be ready.. The answer is God.

Indeed, only God can fix me. I will walk with that limp. I will see things around me and get affected by that scar. I will cry when I need to. I will cry knowing He is near, and that He holds me close. And I will continually give up what I need to.

Psa 147:1-4
(1) Praise Jehovah; for it is good to sing praises to our God; for praise is delightful and becoming.
(2) Jehovah builds up Jerusalem; He gathers together the outcasts of Israel.
(3) He heals the broken-hearted, and binds up their wounds.
(4) He appoints the number of the stars; He calls them all by their names.

Post-camp reflections

We broke camp yesterday.. and there were some disappointments, also some causes for celebration..

I sound emo because i AM emo.. so... yeah..

I served as mentor for my group.. I'm just glad to say that I tried my best to explain what I could.. I saw that the things I bothered to sit down and think through before, all came in useful in teaching..

And not only in teaching.. When I was revising through my reflection session for day 1.. I realised that the Scriptures I was looking through.. some seemed familiar.. some seemed unfamiliar..

All of them ministered to me..

So once again I think i was blessed in that..

As for disappointments.. I think I have shared enough about them to certain people who need to hear them.. So those will be past me..



Something that will stick to me is Pastor Ronald Yow's first message.. On Genesis 32:22-32..

Jacob changed his grip. He realised his wives would not help, his sons would not help, his livestock would not help. He was going to face his brother the next morning, whom he had stolen a birthright from. He took that time alone and he sought God.

Jacob changed his name. Through wrestling with God all night, God gave Jacob a new name. No longer a liar, no longer a thief.. But now he was Israel, the first of a nation. That new name reflected a change in character..

Jacob changed his walk. No longer would he walk in the same way.. He gained that limp.. But he had that new name..

On the third point, something came to me.. It seemed that Jacob was.. scarred.. somehow.. He won that exchange.. but he had that scar.. He had a permanent limp.


How many of us know we have to face that Esau sooner or later? How many of us know that we have to do it sooner or later but have no guts to do it? How many of us know God's direction but are reluctant to move ahead?

Like I said I'm feeling kinda emo.. so there..

Still deep in thought.. So will appreciate any prayers..

Passport : Children's Camp 2007

I miss my kids!!!!!!

For those who don't know.. I went to help out in Children's Camp straight after my exams, and man it was a blast!

I seriously didn't quite feel like going.. I kinda wanted a break, and being put as a group leader in the camp didnt' seem like a very comfortable spot..

But i went.. and got to know my little team of leaders and shepherds.. and the kids are absolutely amazing in so many diverse ways..






























Teaching children is really a test of how well you know your stuff.. I feel you don't really know your stuff unless you can explain it in terms other people can understand.. and who better to test explanations on than younger children? (I should refrain from the word 'kids' cause my p6 kids don't really like being called kids anymore haha)

I realise i am not being very.. focused on the things i bring up here, but its either my sleep deprivation during the camp, or my current sleep debt thats messing up my brain now.. so you'll all just have to bear with me for now..

There was one evening.. where the camp speaker Andrew asked the children to come up to their teachers and pray for them..

I wish I could put into words what i felt when they prayed for me.. The sincerity they showed in those simple prayers..

More than tongue can tell.

I left the camp having received more than I gave..

(AND WE WON BEST PERFORMANCE MUAHAHAHA)

Yes.. so i strongly encourage everyone in YPM to consider helping in CM camps..

Mel

Stand down

Hello all stations, this is Super Sunray, Message, Over

02, Send, Over.

Super Sunray, Paradise now, Over.

02, Confirm, Paradise now, Over.

Super Sunray, I say again, Paradise now.

02, Roger wilco.

Super Sunray, out.